Remember that person you were before you became “Mum”? She’s still in there, and it’s time to reintroduce yourself..Again!

The Great Identity Disappearing Act

It happens gradually; one day, you’re Sarah, who loves painting and reading late, and the next, you’re “Mum”—your entire identity. Rediscovering Yourself: Who Are You When the Kids Aren’t Looking? Add single motherhood, and you vanish behind packed lunches, school runs, and bedtime stories.

But here’s what I want you to know: You are not just a mum. You never were.

When Did You Last Introduce Yourself Without Mentioning Your Kids?

Think about it. When someone asks, “Tell me about yourself,” do you immediately launch into stories about your children? Their ages, their achievements, their challenges? hmmm…

There’s nothing wrong with being proud of our kids – they’re amazing, and you should celebrate them. But when was the last time you talked about yourself? Your dreams, your interests, your goals that have nothing to do with being a parent!?

The Guilt of Wanting More

Let’s address the elephant in the room: the guilt. That voice that whispers, “Shouldn’t your children be enough?” or “Good mothers don’t need anything else.”

Stop right there.

Wanting an identity beyond motherhood doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human. And honestly? It makes you a better mum. Children need to see their parents as whole people with interests, passions, and dreams. It teaches them that they, too, can be multifaceted human beings.

The Single Mum Twist

As single mums, this identity crisis hits differently. We often do the work of two parents, which can make us feel like we should be grateful for keeping everyone fed and alive. The idea of pursuing our own interests can feel almost laughable when you’re in mum mode.

But here’s the thing – you’re not just surviving anymore. You’re building a life. And that life should include you.

Starting the Rediscovery Journey

1. Dig Into Your Past Self

• What did you love doing before kids?
• What made you feel most like yourself?
• What dreams did you put on hold?
• What compliments did people give you that had nothing to do with being a mum?

2. Notice What Sparks Joy Now

• What articles do you save to read later?
• What makes you lose track of time?
• What would you do if you had a completely free Saturday?
• What conversations energise you?

3. Start Ridiculously Small

You don’t need to revolutionise your life overnight. Try:

• Reading for 15 minutes after the kids are in bed
• Taking a different route on your walk
• Listening to a podcast about something you’re curious about
• Texting a friend about something other than your children

Reclaiming Your Name

When did you stop being Karen and become just “Mum”? Even in your own head?

Practice this: Look in the mirror and introduce yourself by name. “Hi, I’m Karen. I’m a blogger, a single mum, and I’m passionate about supporting other women.” Notice how it feels to put your name first.

The Ripple Effect

Here’s what happens when you start reclaiming your identity:

• Your children see you as a whole person – not just their caregiver
• You have more to give because you’re filling your own cup
• You model self-worth and show them it’s okay to have their own interests
• You become more interesting to yourself and others
• You remember what makes you feel alive

Practical Steps for Single Mums to Regain Yourself.

The 10-Minute Rule

Dedicate 10 minutes a day to something that’s just for you. Not self-care (though that’s important too), but something that feeds your soul or curiosity.

The Interest Audit

Make a list of things you’re curious about. It could be anything – photography, local history, learning French, or understanding cryptocurrency. Pick one and spend a week exploring it online.

The Social Experiment

Join one group or activity that has nothing to do with being a parent. Start a gym, a hiking group, an art class, and a volunteer organisation. Somewhere you can be Karen, not who’s mum.

The Conversation Challenge

For one week, try to have at least one conversation daily that doesn’t mention your children. Talk about current events, an activity you’ve been doing, or a goal you have.

When People Don’t Understand

Some people might not get it. They might say things like “But aren’t your kids your whole world?” or “I don’t understand why being a mum isn’t enough for you.”

Your response: “My children are incredibly important to me, and part of being a good mum is being a fulfilled person. I want to model for them that it’s healthy to have interests and goals beyond any single role.”

The Long Game

Rediscovering your identity isn’t a weekend project. It’s an ongoing journey of remembering who you were, discovering who you’re becoming, and integrating all the parts of yourself into one authentic whole. Hell, I’m still doing it!

Your children will grow up and build their own lives. When that happens, you want to know who you are beyond being their mum. Start that work now, not when they leave home. (This article might interest you)

Your Identity Manifesto

You are:

• A mum AND a whole person
• Allowed to have interests that don’t involve your children
• Worthy of pursuing your own goals
• Setting a powerful example for your kids
• More than the sum of your caregiving duties

The Bottom Line

You didn’t disappear when you became a mum – you just got really good at putting everyone else first. But you’re still in there, and the world needs what you have to offer beyond your parenting skills.

Start today. Do one small thing that reminds you who you are when no one needs anything from you. Your future self (and your children) will thank you.

What’s one thing you loved about yourself before you became a mum? Please share in the comments on my Instagram page! @mumlifewithkaren – let’s celebrate the multifaceted women we are!